Posted - 12/25/2007 : 01:34:28 lol...i was going through some thought i would share them--not sure if some one already posted them.
It's career day in little Jimmy's grade one class, so every kid gets to tell the class what their parents do for a living. One says "my daddy's a lawyer," another one says "my mommy's a dentist." When it's Jimmy's turn, he says "my daddy's a male hooker." The teacher is extremely shocked and surprised by this answer. At recess, she finds Jimmy and takes him aside. "Jimmy," she says, "was that true what you said in class, that your father is a male prostitute?" Jimmy sighs, then says, "No. He's actually a hockey player who was on the American Olympic team. He's so embarassed about it that he told me to tell people that he's a male hooker."
An Edmonton Oilers fan, a St. Louis Blues fan, a Detroit Red Wings fan, and a Colorado Avalanche fan climbed to the top of Mount Everest. They looked over the edge in wonder. Then the Oilers fan shouts, "This is for the Oilers!" and jumps off the cliff. Well, the St. Louis fan, not wanting to be outdone, shouts, "This is for the Blues!" and jumps to his death. Seeing the trend, the Avalanche fan looks around for a moment. Then he walks behind the Red Wings fan, gives him a big shove off the mountain and yells, "This is for hockey fans everywhere!"
Mario Lemieux, Steve Yzerman and Wayne Gretzky are standing before God at the throne of Heaven. God looks at them and says: "Before granting any of you a place at my side, I must first ask you what you believe in." Addressing Lemieux first He asks, "What do you believe?" Mario looks into God's eyes and states passionately, "I believe hockey to be the food of life. Nothing else brings such unbridled joy to so many people, from Moscow to the bright lights of New York. I have devoted my life to bringing such joy to people who watch us play." God looks up and offers Mario the seat to his left. He then turns to Yzerman, "And you Stevie Y. What do you believe?" Yzerman stands proud and firm, " I believe courage, honour and passion are the fundamentals to life and I've spent my whole playing career providing a living embodiment of these traits." God, moved by the passion of the speech offers Yzerman the seat to his right. He finally turns to the Great One, " And you Wayne. What do you believe?" Wayne says smugly, " I believe you are in my seat."
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Colorado Avalanche fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Avalanche fans too. Not really knowing what an Avalanche fan is, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the air. There is, however, one exception. A little girl has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I’m not an Avalanche fan," she retorts. "Then," asks her teacher, "what are you?" "I’m a proud Canucks fan," boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks the little girl why she is a Vancouver fan. "Well, my Dad and Mom are Canucks fans, so I’m a Canucks fan too," she responds. The teacher is now angry. "That’s no reason," she says loudly. "What if your Mom was a moron and your Dad was an idiot. What would you be then?" "Oh," says the little girl. "Well, then I’d be an Avalanche fan."
Q. What do the titanic and the Toronto Maple Leafs have in common? A. They both look good until they hit the ice!
Ohlund was out with the sprained knee and Linden's eye was injured during Christmas time last year. Reporters asked Ohlund if he'll go with Linden for Christmas shopping, and Ohlund said "Yeah, Linden'll carry me and I'll tell him where to go"
You're 24 and bald" Bert blurted out to Mo. For a few seconds there was silence. Then came the response from the back of the plane. "I'm 26 a**hole."
